What if we honoured our "neuro-quirks" ?

I currently have a heap of house work to catch up on before my in-laws arrive tonight and before I see clients today and yet here I am blogging for the pure joy of creating.

I’m not avoiding chores (seriously I’m not - I actually love a good hit of dopamine when I complete tasks) rather I am honouring the part of me that says “it’s time to create.”

When I start a blog I have no idea where it will take me … all I know is that something higher calls me to it…it’s kinda’ like a hero’s journey every time.

Today I visited church (AKA the dog beach) and I got to thinking about *neuro-diversity and sensitive souls and the neuro-divergents discomfort of trying to “fit in” at the expense of our authenticity.

FYI *Neurodiversity is a word used to explain the unique ways people’s brains work. While everyone’s brain develops similarly, no two brains function just alike. Being neurodivergent means having a brain that works differently from the average or “neurotypical” person.

OK two things …1. the fact that I felt I had to stop my flow to explain neurodivergency agitates my neuro divergent brain AND the word that stands out in all of that explanation is “average” … eg. A neuro divergent brain works differently from the AVERAGE neuro-typical person. Average sounds kinda’ … average… boring even.

Wait a minute … As a neuro-divergent do I judge neuro-typicals as average and boring? (Now I’ve posed that question to myself - my neuro divergent brain files it to explore later … and I will, I will dive into that exploration like a neuro-divergent with a passionate area of hyper-focus.)

Perhaps by now you’re getting an idea of how a neuro-divergent brain works? (I know I am) … So now I’m going to say let’s change the term neuro-divergent to neuro-quirky … ‘coz it sounds (and feels) more creative.

Which brings me to my point … holy shit what a ride … My point is - what if the neuro-quirky amongst us really got to know ourselves & our quirks and ensured we placed ourselves in environments that enhanced our gifts and nurtured our challenges? What a concept hey.

I work with a lot of neuro-quirky clients who put a lotta’ pressure on themselves to “fit in” and/or put themselves in environments that aren’t at all comforting for their nervous system let alone inspiring and supportive of their unique gifts.

Part of me wants to scream “Get the EFF outa’ there - don’t do it to yourself!” and another part of me knows we sometimes have to hit a wall before we bounce off (& all ‘dem other cliches.)

When it comes to facilitating Kids Group (attuned group play for 2 - 5 year olds) I welcome with open arms the neuro-quirky kids (sensitive kids) … From my observation they have an inbuilt gift of awareness and compassion, they sense the energy in the environment and they’re caring … REALLY caring!

Neuro typical kids (in my observation) are often resilient and logically intelligent …and… a little more focussed on having their needs met above all else. Their brains are more dialled into “what’s in it for me?” as opposed to the neuro-quirky brain that’s dialled into “How is everyone around me, sometimes including myself feeling in this moment?” …It’s interesting to FEEL the difference.

When I facilitate Women’s Circles every women that feels called to sit in circle opens with something along the lines of “I struggle with small talk, it feels so awkward. - Depth of connection is way more comfortable.” And I think to myself Ahhh hello Ms neuro-quirky … Welcome, take your shoes off and spill your guts … ALL of you is welcome here.

I guess this blog has called me to fly the neuro-quirky flag … And I’m thinking of that quote: “When a flower doesn't bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” And I’m thinking of Brene Brown’s quote about belonging: “True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to BE who you are.”

So where all my neuro-quirky, sensitive peeps at? Fly your flag … so your people can find you … and maybe you can connect with them for an hour or so before your social battery runs low and it’s time to retreat.

Be YOU! The world needs YOU … What if while everyone else is busy trying to fit in or get their own needs met … you show up as YOU and make the difference that only you can make?

Hmmmm … now back to my housework and ‘dem *dopamine hits. xo

FYI *When we complete individual tasks, our brains release dopamine which causes positive feelings such as happiness, pleasure and motivation. Did my neuro-quirky brain like having to add this explanation? No (it felt annoying) and yet I also logically understand sometimes it’s helpful if I explain certain words & terminology.

If you’re a sensitive soul / neuro-quirky I’d love to support you to embrace ALL of who you are.

For more info on Inner-child / soul attunement click here.

If you’re a sensitive soul / neuro-quirky and have a sensitive / neuro-quirky child I’d love to support you both so you can embrace all of who you are as individuals AND in relationship with each other.

For more info on Kids Group click here.

For more info on Parent/child Attunement (play therapy) click here.

Boredom is the birth place of creativity...

A beautiful mum messaged me the other day to say: “If [my child] gets bored let me know and I can collect.”

I feel for today’s parents - the pressure to be ALL things at ALL times, to always be ON, always be organised and doing something (anything) but never nothing … There’s not a lotta’ room for space.

Each and every parent I know and/or work with has one thing in common (without exception) they ALL want to parent differently to the way they were parented. And for some “boredom” means (whatever it meant to them as a child.)

I create space for parents & kids to BE in all feelings (including boredom) … because after all “boredom” is just SPACE. Space for some people is terrifying -God I totally get that - not knowing what to focus on or how to ‘distract the mind’ from going down dark alleys.

Space is also a profound nothingness where ANYTHING & EVERYTHING is possible. It’s terrifying AND exciting! Space and boredom is the birth place of creativity.

I don’t really remember being bored as a kid … not because my parents were always present and entertaining me (they weren’t) and not because I was involved in a heap of organised activities (I wasn’t) … I don’t really remember being bored because the things I would create in the inevitable moments of “boredom” were always SO captivating of my imagination - they kinda’ outweigh the memory of boredom.

To be honest I’m fairly sure the moments of boredom (leading to the moments of creativity that captivated my imagination) shaped my life!

I remember eagerly flicking through National Geographic magazines looking at photos of remote tribes, people living in developing countries and international families all whilst imagining what it would be like to be an Anthropologist studying the way other people lived.

Those moments of curiosity inspired by “boredom” as a kid led me to study the ins & outs of human nature, to create the Farmer’s Wife’s Project (An Aussie wide study into the lives of rural women) … to work in Cambodia for 10 years & facilitate others to experience life in a developing country. To share our home with people from around the world (creating international family.) To now work as a Humanistic Therapist literally experiencing what it FEELS like to be in someone else’s family dynamic. I’ve worked with tens of thousands of people over the years & had a huge variety of life experiences … ALL because I had the space to get “bored” as a kid.

As well as shaping my life purpose … my most fun times as a kid were born from boredom … building forts with my friends, exploring the bush, pretending to be under-cover agents … If I was alone I’d make bow & arrows and pretend I was living in a remote tribe , hunting for my survival. I’d catch tadpoles and make little homes for them … I’d make up running games & obstacle races. I’d read … and I’d write stories, long stories of adventure.

God I get that boredom (& space) can be scary at times. It can literally activate our nervous system back into survival memories of being a helpless baby, completely alone, in the dark, not knowing if anyone would ever come to us to feed and comfort us. …Let alone what ever happened to us (or didn't happen for us) in childhood and beyond.

ALL feelings ‘just’ want to be experienced and they will persist until we allow them to be felt. And a lil’ heads up: whatever (feeling) we resit - persists! Sometimes it helps to have someone alongside us (eg an Attunement Facilitator) while we experience a feeling that is uncomfortable for us to feel alone.

Perhaps when it comes to “boredom” - If we’re always distracted, scheduled and entertained … We’ll never get to know who we are in the space and we’ll never get to find out what we might create in the space.

When I’m facilitating Kids group (5 hours of attuned, child-led, group play) I give kids enough space to feel all their feelings which means at least one of them may occasionally feel boredom for a moment. … And then … before I know it, they’re coming up with the most fascinating invention, the best games are being made-up, they’re stepping into leadership and organising other kids to play a game, they’ve created their best artistic masterpiece … Given enough space to feel bored for a moment kids always end up feeling empowered by THEIR decision to create … something … And all of it happens because there was a moment of nothing! It’s super cool to witness!

Boredom is the birth place of creativity - the trick is to be regulated (mindful & aware of self) in the space so we can create what we DO want rather than simply give our minds free rein to wander down dark alleys, creating all sorts of unnecessary experiences. But you know - either way there will be an opportunity to learn… something.

What if the feelings we most avoid contain the coolest treasures? There’s only one way to find out.

Is there a feeling you avoid? Or a feeling you’re trying to ‘protect’ your child from? Let’s talk. Join me for an Inner-child Attunement Session I’ll sit alongside you while you explore your resistance and create space for all of life to flow.

Calm doesn't always mean regulated...

I want to throw some light on a myth … A lot of parents out there have heard about the “importance” of being regulated around their kids. That part is true - regulation is important. … What gets confused though, is what regulation actually means. Somehow folks have the idea that “regulated” equals calm but that’s not always the case.

As if parenting isn’t hard enough without believing that in order to be a “good” parent we need to be calm 24/7 … Holy shit the pressure of that belief is enough to stress any parent out.

Regulated doesn’t always mean calm it actually means… “I’m feeling [what evs I’m feeling] AND I’m mindful and aware of myself”

That’s a relief I reckon’ because let’s face it if the only feeling we had access to in life was “calm” we’d all be bored as bat shit. We came to earth to experience and FEEL it all - remember?

So (I’m going to use myself as an example here) being regulated means I can be feeling calm …OR/ angry, sad, frustrated, bored, tired, scared, excited, silly, inspired, grieving, overwhelmed … (any emotion)… AND I can also think clearly, make a conscious choice, notice my breath, feel grounded, speak and recognise I’m IN my body. Essentially I can feel the feels AND remain connected to myself. (My energy isn’t leaking out all over the place.) Not always easy right? …

Here’s a prime example … As well as Play Therapy I also facilitate a Kids Group a few times a week. Kids Group is attuned group play for 2 to 5 year old kids (the group size is 6 kids maximum.) I’m an Attunement Facilitator so it’s my ‘job’ to stay as regulated as I can and help others co-regulate. I’m a fairly calm and grounded person but believe me I’m not always feeling “calm” at Kids Group. It’s easy for me to attune with one child at a time or even two or three but what about the inevitable moments when when ALL six have “stuff” going on at once … Imagine one kid has wet his pants, another wants help getting the lid off his snack, one wants a cuddle, one decides she wants to practise balancing on a something ‘risky’, and two others have decided they both want the same toy … NOW! … Do you feel calm even reading about that? Probs not.

As an Attunement Facilitator (and highly sensitive person) in those moments I’m not just aware of myself, I’m aware and feeling it ALL … I’m feeling little Johnny is embarrassed about wetting his pants. I’m feeling little Timmy is feeling hesitant about asking for help -( he SO wants to be independent, I know he only wants me to open his lid a little bit so he can do the rest himself.) I’m feeling little Sally wants a cuddle because she’s feeling lonely (her parents have been really busy, dealing with some “stuff.”) I’m feeling little Steph is feeling empowered and wants to see how capable she is at balancing on the log AND I’m assesing the risk. And I’m feeling little Bob feels frustrated because he wants the toy now and hasn’t learnt patience yet and little Betty feels sad because Bob tried to snatch it from her and it’s hurt her feelings.

In those moments with all that to FEEL, I also have my own feelings to feel (perhaps frustration or overwhelm or impatience … ) In those moments my practise is to stay regulated OR if my nervous system is pushed beyond regulation my practise is to get regulated. Before I physically attend to anyone else I HAVE to come back to myself (the ol’ put your face mask on first scenario.)

When this happens I use the opportunity to role model my own regulation to the kids so I might say something like “Woah, I feel a bit overwhelmed right now - Before I help anyone, I need to “smell the roses and blow out the candles.” (and I take a couple of quick breaths in and a long breath out.) Or I might say “There’s a lot going on right now, I need some space for 1 minute.” (and put my arms out to signify where my physical space is.)

Kids respond REALLY well to authenticity and clear requests in those moments. Usually as if by miracle, most of the situations will sort themselves out “in the space”. And once I’m regulated I “triage” the situation … slow it right down and deal with things one step at a time.

When I’m working with parent/s and child/ren in Play Therapy my role is to FEEL it all, put words to it, and when emotions get heightened, regulate myself so I can co-regulate (help the parent and child regulate.) You’ve gotta’ remember the parent & child are there because they push each others buttons & need some support. I FEEL it ALL … everything the parent feels, everything the child feels AND my own feelings… I’m (mostly) regulated but it’s never JUST about feeling the emotion of calm.

Speaking of pushing buttons … Our own kids push our buttons in completely unique ways … (it’s our soul contract) remaining regulated when a button is pushed by our own kids can sometimes be impossible (if no one has ever co-regulated with us) I reckon’ understanding that “regulated” doesn't always mean calm takes some pressure off.

I’m here to walk alongside parents & kids , to create space for ALL feelings to be seen, held & witnessed. The parenting journey takes us ‘home’ to ourselves in THE deepest way. If we’re brave enough to reach for support and BE with ALL our feelings we can learn to “be mindful & aware of ourselves” (most of the time - but definately not ALWAYS) … even whilst the shit is hitting the fan!

Much Love, Em x

Learn more about PLAY THERAPY SESSIONS here

The unspoken words of parents ...

The other day I was chatting with a man who is a full time, stay-at-home-dad. Not entirely unusual now days, except that he parents alongside his wife who is also a full time, stay-at-home-mum. They currently have a toddler and another on the way. To some this might sound ‘far out’ but this new/*old family dynamic is becoming almost “normal” in my home town of Byron Bay where more than a few families are blessed with financial abundance AND the desire to parent differently to how they were parented.

Chatting with this dad got me pondering a LOT … To be honest I can’t even imagine what it would be like to parent full time alongside the other parent. I had my first born 20 odd years ago, when I was living in the country as a “farmer’s wife.” When it was time to leave hospital after the birth, my then husband dropped me off at home (to be all alone in the farm house with the baby) jumped in his ute and went straight to work. I really wanted to be a ‘good’ wife & ‘good’ mum so I kept quiet. He really wanted to be a ‘good’ husband & ‘good’ father so he kept working. Truth is I was 24 years old, indoctrinated by my life in the country and yet to realise I (as a woman) could speak up and ask for what I needed. Add to all that I’d had an emergency cesarean and both my bub and I had experienced what I now know to be birth trauma. Not only was I super anxious, I also couldn't drive while I was recovering from the operation. I was terrified, alone & “trapped” in the house as well as my own head. Not exactly the dreamy, loved-up, new-mum kinda’ feels I’d imagined as a young woman who had always wanted to be a mum.

Sounds kinda’ harsh … AND yet my experience was evolution in the patriarchal culture of farming when just a generation before, most expectant mums were dropped at the hospital entrance whilst in labour “to do their women’s stuff” and then collected 10 days later when it was time to return home. Both my dad and my ex-husband’s dad weren’t even in the delivery room or hospital with our mums when they gave birth, my maternal grandfather was often away with the army and not even in the same country when my maternal grandmother gave birth (to their 18 children.) Even if these husbands had have been with their labouring wives, there’s no way back then men would have had the emotional tools to be ‘present’ let alone to attune with their wife’s emotions - they had no reference point for any of it. … Thankfully, as humans- when we know better we do better. That’s evolution!

As Grace & evolution would have it, my new-mum experience not only led to my first spiritual awakening it also called me to later work in Cambodia where I was fascinated by the concept of a “village” when it came to raising family. It seemed so much more natural to see generations of family living alongside each other, connecting, attuning and helping out where necessary. After 10 years supporting Aussie clients on holistic retreat in Cambodia I came to realise people living in “developing” countries are sometimes hungry for food AND a lot of us living in “developed” countries are absolutely starving for authentic connection. It became blatantly obvious we had our cultural/ societal concepts of family and “wealth” kinda’ messed up.

There’s a million layers to all of this of course, I mean society was founded upon slaves and later maintained by women providing unpaid labour in the home. I remember once doing a sociology assignment on the topic of “The Gendered Division of Household Chores” … Holy shit was that a rabbit hole! I guess what I’m trying to say (in a bloody long winded way) - is there are a million layers wrapped around the idea of “family” and we are ALL struggling to find OUR own way amongst all of it. We have so much personal work to do to untangle ourselves from historical & cultural indoctrinations let alone generational and familial! It’s big work and it’d be “nice” to think one day we might all embrace our inner-work as THE most important work (for the planet.)

…Anyway back to the stay-at-home-dad I was chatting with… he was gracious enough to tell me that being a stay-at-home-dad is THE hardest thing he has ever done. He once wore the identity of “successful businessman, managing 30 staff” with relative ease and a whole lot of passion & drive. But managing a two & a half year old daughter, a home and all the “history” that rises to the surface when one decides one wants to parent differently and be a ‘good’ parent is a whole-nother ball game!

My heart felt comforted by his authenticity when he was able to put words to the unspoken experience of so many mothers & primary care-givers by saying: “When I was at work, I felt so connected, in some ways it was like I was flirting with the world so I was always feeling passionate & inspired. Full time parenting is tough, there’s no passion, no real inspiration. I’m faced with all my own stuff as I try to be a good dad to my daughter. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Going back to work would be so much easier.”

And there it is: the TRUTH for SO many mothers (spoken out loud by a father!) Thing is - in order to create real change, we have to start by getting… REAL! Which means being completely honest about how we feel in any given moment. Women are faced with so much shame around how we’re “supposed” to “feel, be & act” as mums. The shame is age-old (a part of the societal ‘set up’ that keeps everyone in their designated place.) There’s a lotta’ brave work to be done.

It is possible to make parenting a juicy journey. Home CAN be a “creative” space to ‘show up’ and learn about ourselves and each other. The truth however is that doing ‘the work’ doesn't mean we’ll ever become perfect parents (we won’t!) and it doesn’t mean family life will ever be perfect (it won’t!) … It does mean we will deepen the connection with ourself and each other and we will find grace in the inevitable fk ups and moments of mis-attunement, in fact those messy moments will bring us closer. (Yippeeee no need to pretend or try to be perfect.) And together as a family we WILL heal generational trauma for future generations.

How? At the end of the day every human on earth wants to experience authenticity AND connection. Those two experiences get separated at a very young age when we innocently & inevitably “trigger” our parents (& their old wounds) and judging by their reaction we “learn” we can express our authentic emotions and needs but lose the connection OR/ we can shut down our authentic emotions and needs to maintain the connection. Shitty choice huh! … And then we spend the rest of our lives unconsciously seeking authentic connection while setting up the exact same childhood experiences we’re still needing to heal. What a WILD journey (no wonder “working” outside of the home, far away from any deep, emotional ‘triggers’ feels so much easier. It IS easier.)

To be honest I don’t think the world will change for the better until we’re brave enough to come ‘home’ to ourselves and our families and do the REAL work to deepen the connection with ourselves, partners and children. I’m not saying the ideal family situation is becoming full time, stay-at home, ‘woke’ parents. What I am saying is perhaps we need to let go of the false belief that there even is an “ideal” family situation because every relationship and every parent/ child relationship is so VERY unique.

Now days as an Attunement Facilitator and Play Therapist I support lots of ‘fortunate’ families to tune in with them selves and their own unique relationship/ family dynamic. Essentially (via play) I give kids the space to rewrite family history and I give parents what they didn't receive in childhood (an opportunity to be authentic and feel connected) so they can pass that opportunity onto their kids.

Parents can love their children to the moon & back AND still say parenting and family life is bloody tough at times (it’s tough because we care SO deeply.) As far as I can tell authenticity and connection is the new generational wealth and kids will lead the way ‘home’ (if we’re brave enough to follow them.)

xo

*I say new/ “old” because back in the day, Royal families were often made up of two “stay at home parents” … except royal parents weren’t really involved in the hands on raising of their heirs (children) and a lot of husbands & wives didn't even like each other. Ahhhh the foundations society was built upon.

Inner Child Healing ... & Babushka Dolls.

“Every time I’ve hit rock bottom I’ve met a disowned or abandoned aspect of my inner child and we’ve walked out of the darkness together.”

If you think inner-child healing is just for hippies or lost souls, try having Christmas day with your family and then get back to me.

Yup … you know what I’m talking about … you just finished house renovations and got that promotion at work, life is going along OK … and then BAM it’s Christmas day, all the family have gathered and suddenly you’re feeling (and behaving) like a 7 year old. Uh oh!

Any other day of the year you might have it ‘together’ enough to suppress any weird feelings or emotions bubbling up… but for some reason your adult siblings are being extra annoying, which would be tolerable if your mum or step dad wasn’t doing “that thing they ALWAYS do! “ So here you are AGAIN, quietly crying into the gravy or worse, throwing a full blown tantrum. Oopsie! …Bloody hell - you thought for sure THIS year would be different. Right?

… Christmas day/ family gatherings (and for that matter any transitional time or big life event) are perfect occasions to highlight the inner-child parts of ourselves that still need healing … I want to take a moment to acknowledge that for some, these occasions can take months (even years) to “recover” from. I’d also like to add that there’s a whole heap of grace in what rises to the surface, especially if you’re a brave heart who is willing to take the inner-child journey.

Thing is we ALL have an inner child inside us. Actually we have more than one … We’re kinda’ like babushka dolls (you know those wooden dolls that decrease in size and fit inside each other?) Ideally we want all our dolls comfortably resting inside one another … What we don’t want is the smaller dolls running the show while the larger dolls are broken open and spread all over the floor … but hey it happens (and when it does it offers us yet another opportunity for healing.) Yay for messy life!

Speaking of which… Every time I’ve hit rock bottom I’ve met a disowned or abandoned aspect of my inner-child and we’ve walked out of the darkness together. And … Every time I’ve created something from my soul it’s because I’ve re-claimed an aspect of my inner-child. In my humble opinion, breaking OPEN (‘dem Babushka dolls) is a necessary part of the journey if we’re to meet all of ourselves and become whole human beings.

In my personal opinion, the inner-child journey is well worth exploring, sure it can be confronting but it’s also fun! I mean aside from becoming more self-aware, more grounded and more whole … The more we reclaim and reconnect with our abandoned and disowned parts, the more joy, creativity and spontaneity we’re able to access. Yup the irony is as we become more responsible for parenting our own inner-child/ren, the more child-like and free we become. Life in general, becomes more simple and fun! Yay for simplicity & fun!

I’ve sat with lots of clients as they’ve re-connected with their inner-child. Every time is an honour! I’ll always remember a particular client - a ‘country bloke’ in his mid 50’s who had grown up in a traditional, farming family. This client had finally reached a point where he REAL-eyes-ed that despite living his entire life by his Dad’s philosophy of “suck it up, she’ll be right mate” things didn’t always FEEL “right.” As he took the inner-child journey he got to go back and reclaim all the aspects of himself that he’d “sucked up” despite his intuition telling him to do otherwise. He uncovered layers upon layers of anger and then fear before he finally broke down and cried like a baby … (He’d exposed his deeply hidden babushka doll) … He stayed with this part of himself for a while before suddenly, as if touched by grace … he began to laugh hysterically … this hard working farmer, had just done the toughest work of his life and in doing so, got to lighten up (for REAL) for the first time since he was a little boy.

I have lots of stories like that one (same, same but different) as well as a whole heap of my own experiences with inner child exploration. …In fact, I designed an inner-child journal because I REAL-eyes how powerful the journey has been for me over the years and I want to be able to share it with more people. I use the journal myself any time I feel a bit stuck with a layer and want to access some deeper awareness … each time I come out feeling more grounded and whole and a helluva’ lot lighter! … I also usually feel more loving and compassionate so that’s a bonus!

I’d love to hear from anyone who feels drawn to inner-child exploration as a part of their journey towards wholeness. I have some brave hearts trialing a draft copy of my journal at the moment, I also offer 1:1 Inner Child Theta Healings and am feeling the pull to offer an online inner-child exploration group.

I invite you (& your inner child) to reach out and connect via email if you’d like to share the next step in your journey.

BIG LOVE brave hearts!

xo Em

Birthing the New Earth ... TOGETHER!

In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: "When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?” Gabrielle Roth

I thought of Gabrielle Roth’s quote this morning and asked myself these questions … I looked back on my socials (which is where I often share story) and realised dancing, singing, story & silence all stopped for me (again) around the time of the second flood in our northern rivers community.

It’s interesting because our family wasn’t directly affected by the floods but I somehow managed to “soak up” the collective energy and feel like I’ve been trying to get my head above water ever since.  

I guess I felt the metaphysical shift coming long before the physical shift reached our community … I’d witnessed the changes during my years in Cambodia and felt them deep in my soul, at a consciousness level. 

During my last visit to Cambodia I remember asking a Khmer friend one day how he was. His reply “In my village, not serious, but a flood.”  When I explored things further an international corporation had recently built a highway straight past his village to allow visitors from their country to drive past (in their air conditioned, privately owned busses to stay in their privately owned luxury hotel and dine on their imported food, served by their imported staff.)

The highway of course diverted the natural waterway and when the rains came all the water washed into the village destroying huts and food crops.  My friend had smiled warmly and labelled it “not serious” because no loved ones were injured. People in developing countries are used to “natural disasters” and challenges … My friend cut back on study time, worked extra shifts to help support the family who had lost income from destroyed crops and in his spare time helped the village rebuild.  No drama in his world, just a “natural” part of life. 

On my last visit, another Khmer friend of mine had made a recent career change.  He was doing maintenance at a school for $4 a day to support his family and extended family.  Just like his father, he’d been a fisherman all his life but was no longer fishing because there weren’t enough fish to keep all the local fisherman trading.  … The big international boats were catching most of the fish now days … there may have still been enough for the locals with their small boats but now that the surrounding forests had been sold to international companies the climate was changing, the mangroves were drying up and there was no where for the baby fish to grow up safely.  My friend supposed that change was inevitable, smiled and focused on what he’d always focused on – doing what he could to support his family.

I have hundreds of stories like these, each one is etched into my soul, sometimes when I have space to reflect, I feel so deeply that I reach the broken pieces of my heart and my eyes fill with tears.  There’s so much love held tightly in protection there – I know it wants to be fully felt and expressed but that would mean having to touch more of the injustice… And that just makes me feel fucking angry!   So I counteract this by clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth, I’m fully aware I’m suppressing ancient, global love AND ancient, global anger at the same time.   And I wonder what would be possible if I allowed myself to finally feel it all  … to hold the paradox gently and powerfully. 

Injustice has always been something I’ve felt strongly about. Since I was a little kid I felt the disparity in the world and wondered why we all couldn’t just love each other and share.  It seemed to me, as simple as it was confusing…   Why did I have the luxury of sitting at the breakfast bar in my kitchen, dressed in my ironed school uniform while my dad served me soldier toast spread with lavish amounts of butter, peanut butter and jam?  I guess it would have been no biggy if there wasn’t a famine in Ethiopia at the time and our box television wasn’t flashing images of naked, starving kids with flies drinking from the corners of their eyes.  It was a lot for a six year old kid to figure out, so I did what I could and said no to the extra scoop of milo my dad offered… every day from that moment forward!  Self sacrifice seemed like the best deal the six year old me could offer my starving friends on the TV.      

A few years ago when I was experiencing the gap widening between government/corporates and humans living in Cambodia,  my bestie was experiencing it between government/corporates and humans living with disabilities.  We were both “bridge makers” of sorts at the time, both driven by deep connection and a desire to rebalance injustice one human at a time.  We shared a longing to set the wrongs right and we believed this was possible by creating space for marginalized humans to be fully seen and heard.    Interestingly enough after years of service in our own and shared arenas, we both found our hands tied by corporate red tape.  The additional rules and requirements of corporate ego left no time for 1:1 connection and our failed efforts to rebalance injustice left us feeling disgruntled and pissed off with the world!  …As the universe would have it we were both stripped bare naked, with little left besides our own trauma and our own ancient longing to be fully seen and heard.  

We needed space and a lot of it … from our hearts n’ souls … (and even from each other at times)  and in the meantime big corporate could go and suck a proverbial and everyone would just have to learn to take care of themselves!

When the second flood reached our community all of this “stuff” rose to the surface … AGAIN!  Injustice, inequality, homelessness …and the gap between wealthy and poor … / or aware and not-so-aware /or personally responsible and not-so-personally-responsible /or however you want to label any of it… widened!   And I KNOW all of these paradoxes lie within ME … so the inner- reconciling began … AGAIN!  …And the walls around the broken pieces in my heart came down … AGAIN! …And the suppression of ancient, global love and ancient, global anger commenced … AGAIN! 

In the meantime …I’ve been supporting a local bush school in my home community because I believe with all my heart that kids need to be free to live and BE outside of the system, surrounded by nature… explorers of themselves and creators of their own world. Witnessing kids grow alongside nature is soul food …And yet I know the government red tape is rolling out to bind these kids and their families back into submission.  …And I also know this is part of the initiation into a broader consciousness.  The serendipitous fact that the Director of the bush school was born in Ethiopia doesn’t escape me! … The fact that the director doesn’t have any childhood memories of starving children doesn’t escape me either!

As my own holistic therapy clients ,who have fled the corporate world, struggle to find themselves amongst the shifts and changes … I’m reminded that we are ALL playing our part in birthing the new earth.  This contraction and expansion, contraction and expansion is happening for a reason.  Each moment of contraction is nothing less than a spiritual test … maybe that’s why some communities are blessed with bigger tests than others? … Maybe it’s a collective longing for expansion. …Who knows?   

It’s kinda’ funny because on deeper reflection … even the people we “think” are trying to bind us in red tape or keep us submissive are perhaps playing a vital role in setting us free - into our own expansion?    …I NOW choose to believe that the reason building bridges between wealthy and poor / justice and injustice / privledged and marginalized brought me to my knees …  Is because I needed to REAL-eyes I’ve been called to build bridges between head, heart & hand… between body & soul … and now more than ever … between metaphysical dimensions. 

If this journey all comes down to personal responsibility … then perhaps the injustice I feel is in ME stifling MY own expansion!  Maybe the anger I’ve been suppressing is between MYSELF and MY ego as I tussle to simultaneously hold onto and let go of everything I “think” I am.  (Ahhhh hello “corporate greed!”)   And the love I’ve been suppressing is perhaps all the SELF LOVE I gave up the day I decided I’d have 1 less scoop of milo for myself because my own good fortune wasn’t fair on others.  (FYI - I just realised I’ve spent years sabotaging my own good fortune by sharing everything until I have nothing left for myself … all because of a belief my innocent, 6 year old self came up with… Oopsie doopsie!) 

My desire for deep connection is still very real… And yet in this moment NOW…   I don’t feel any desire … I feel deeply connected to myself and therefore connected to all-that-is.   Perhaps my desire to be fully seen and heard comes down to KNOWING that what I share in story, I shift through in consciousness … This process allows me space to fully see and hear MYSELF … Maybe a bi-product is that my own shift & sharing creates space for others to shift & share also?  … Like “ahhh yeah this is why I’m earth-side… “    

Speaking of which… No matter what’s happening earth-side at the moment (if you haven’t noticed … shit is getting weirder by the day!’ ) … I REAL-eyes that ( multidimensional universe’s aside) it’s ultimately our shared humanity that connects us to each other & all that is.  It would appear that our humanness & inevitable contractions are ironically the gateway to everything that lies beyond.

So I’m left pondering … How can we better support each other through our inevitable human contractions and allow more space for our spiritual expansion? … As we birth this new earth TOGETHER?  

And… I feel called to offer one final contemplation: 

…"When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories?  When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?”  

Maybe you’ll find your own answers in the contemplation…  Maybe the contemplation will help support your own contraction and expansion … and our collective birthing process …

I can’t say for sure … but I reckon ‘dem shamanic societies were onto something!  

With love & gratitude for a weird AF journey shared, Em xo

The Great Resignation is Upon Us...

Social Scientists are calling it ”The Great Resignation” …

3 in 5 Aussies are set to resign from their current employment as work/life balance becomes a priority.

Experts are saying that up to 3 in 5 Aussies could be looking to change their jobs in the near future which effectively equates to millions of humans out there seeking change!

The global pandemic has certainly given us hoomans’ a shake up - I personally like to think of it as the global wake up that had to happen! I mean, let’s face it … The old way wasn’t working… and trying to bring the “old way” / office into the house whilst home-schooling definitely wasn’t working!

As our “global lifestyles” shrunk down to our immediate family, local area and our homes. … Suddenly we’ve found our search for the meaning of life, literally under a microscope. … Yup, we’ve certainly all had an opportunity to recognise what we’re no longer willing to compromise and reflect on what’s important to us.

As far as I can predict some folk will conform to the restrictions placed upon us, others will stay stuck in resistance… and some of us will fully embrace the opportunity to re-design our lifestyle moving forward …

If you’re a Head, Heart & Hand fan, I’m guessing you fall into the latter category … and you’re more than ready to create deliberate, meaningful change in your life?

It just so happens that supporting brave hearts in times of change, growth n’ leaps of faith is my jam … and helping people to tune in and follow their soul path is a humbling honour.

If any of this resonates … then treating yourself and/or a loved one to a “Life Purpose Discovery” mini-retreat or even a Soul Alignment Session … might be just the space, inspiration and direction you’re looking for!

Much love xo

Messages from Grace ...

… If you’re here I think you maybe already know me (Em Hawkins) … So you’re probs wondering who GRACE is ?

In short - GRACE is who I channel …

My first encounter with GRACE occurred 17 years ago on a wet winter’s day in rural Victoria… Apparently I was experiencing my first “break through,” curled in the foetal position on our farm office floor, crying uncontrollably…

I was 25 years old, a new mum to a healthy baby, a business owner and a “farmer’s wife.” On the outside I had it all, I’d ticked all of societies boxes so the fact that I felt so lost and empty on the inside didn’t seem “reasonable” or “logical.”

I’d been raised by an atheist dad (a “typical Aussie bloke” - a “mans man”) and a Maltese mum who literally had the fear of god in her after being raised by strict catholic parents (she was the baby of 18 children!) … My parents, although strong in their own beliefs, were open minded enough to allow my sister and I to decide for ourselves what we believed in…

Apparently what I’d “decided to believe in” (by default) were the indoctrinations and expectations of society, media and the culture I lived in and what’s more- I had little faith in anything “I couldn’t see” … That was … until that moment, curled on the farm office floor when I first encountered GRACE.

GRACE gave me a very clear message that day… and from that moment on I awakened to a new way of living.

GRACE continued to find me at pivotal moment, like when I held the hand of my ex father in law as he passed away and returned to GRACE.

7 years ago GRACE found me heartbroken again but it was on this occasion that I discovered GRACE could speak to me through writing. I wrote an entire book one afternoon as I asked question after question and GRACE answered. Her words changed my life!

Last year in particular my intuitive ability became so strong that I began getting “flashes” into people’s lives … I learnt that I could “see” … a lot (way more than I wanted too!) … and the “downloads” kinda’ pushed me to the edge. … Of course Grace showed up again …

And now I realise (after decades of study, research and this latest “integration”) that she’s always with me (all of us.)

Thank “eff” I no longer have to wait to be at breaking point to connect with GRACE - she’s pretty much accessible all the time (well TBH not if I’m drinking wine or eating the wrong foods - she’s bloody clever like that!)

Sometimes she’ll bring “through” someone who has passed over because the person wants me to pass a message onto their partner or friend or someone and other times she’ll answer questions for me on behalf of others.

I’ve finally learnt to have boundaries with my energy … Basically Grace now knows not to give me any information unless the person it concerns is ready and willing to take responsibility and if Grace comes to me first I always ask permission of the person before I/ we “scan their field of GRACE.”

GRACE comes through to compliment “down loads” or “flashes” … When I know she has something to say I grab a pen and write … her answers come out through handwriting.

It probs all sounds a bit ‘woo woo’ but to me it now actually feels really normal … (like more “normal” than “normal” life … if that makes sense?)

Probably the most beautiful part is that now days even if I get a “down load” or a “flash” that’s fairly “real” GRACE comes in and sees it all through eyes of GRACE … she’s so gentle, compassionate and wise … I’m more of a “FFS do you want to get real or not - ‘coz if not - I’ve got other stuff to do / if so - I’m totally here for you and your heart n’ soul!” … (I think I got kinda’ protective of my energy after last years onslaught of “downloads” during my “finals exams” in channelling.)

But I also have a LOT of tools and have done decades of study and research and I’ve worked with hundreds of people so I get how human consciousness works …

So when GRACE and I work together it is a special kind of magic. I’d like to write a few more books with her (and actually have them published!) … And in the meantime we’re here for you!

Click here to book and Intuitive Guidance Session (Messages From Grace.)